((Written on the frist page followed by the holy symbol of Phaant drawn in blood))
I am doomed. This fact is not because of anything I have done, but simply because I exist. Everything and everyone in my life will eventually fail or betray me, because that is the nature of things. I must firmly command my subordinates, but expect that they will fail me when I need them the most. I must plan contingencies for their failure. Only by personal attention can I expect to see anything to completion, and only through worship of and sacrifices to Phaant may I stave off the inevitable bad luck that touches all things. I abandon hope, for it is the crutch of a weak mind that seeks a nonexistent chance of success.
I am not sure if the whore queen is stupid or just arrogant. Though her arrogance may not be misplaced, she easily cut down a follower of Orcus I could not even touch without Your aid. Regardless, the whore queen will soon know misfortune, even her own son plots against her. There was an even an attempt on her life at the festival, though the girl's bullets did nothing, I'm sure breaking her out of the whore queen's impenetrable prison will wound her pride.
Also... The whore queen had a son with Variel, tell me my Lady, do I strike down this son, or enlighten him to Your will?
There was a follower of the Skittering Darkness lurking around in the filth of the city, waiting to spread disease, pathetic, when this city falls it will be by Your will, not that of a filthy sewer rat and his pets. Even the paladin stood back and allowed me to remove him of his head, perhaps they are afraid to dirty their own hands, regardless they seem trusting which will lead to their downfall, for the time being they may be of some use. The Wystwomen, Malla will prove an exceptionally useful ally before her inevitable failure. She thinks I'm.... Interesting.
I can see that I have done something to lose Your favor, should I have left the girl to suffer with the goblins? Or perhaps I have gone against another of Your plans? I am the weapon of Your will and shall kill anyone You wish, You must only point me in the right direction.
Viktor called himself Your herald to mock me. He, who did not even come prepared with a bed roll to sleep in the woods! Is that what angered you? If you truly wish for him to see Your will I may need to use extreme measures..... .... the godless heathen.
.... Also how do those who insist on finding traps by falling into them manage to make it past infancy?
Fourth Entry Edit
Viktor has begun to question me as well, I cannot understand what he or Malla hope to find by clawing at old wounds. They're always so shocked when its bad, everyone always acts shocked... as if I would be how am I am had I been given a childhood. It is no longer important though, I have my faith and that will guide me. What happened before cannot be changed.
The fighter keeps running head first into danger, if he really knew what it was to fight for your life he would not be so quick to endanger it. At least he makes a good meat shield.
And that cat… spawn, he is lucky to still have his life. Using cheap parlor tricks and lies to hit me within an inch of my life, and then having the audacity to make a deal that nowhere says I cannot kill him. But he has made a grave mistake, never show mercy to the enemy. His time will come, I am nothing if not patient.
.... .... Viktor did not wear his ridiculous disguise today... he looks more like Variel this way....
Fifth Entry Edit
Now there are two people who have wronged me yet still live, this is a troubling trend. And on top of that there are people in this group who would dare act behind my back and release my kill. The monk lets himself be blinded by his asinine morals and drink, and Malla is easily swayed. So be it, their foolishness will soon land them a knife in their back, and if the time comes that the blade is mine I will do what I must, I will not die for another's foolish ideals. Viktor believes that this hobogoblin can lead us back to his master, once we find this "magic lady" I'll finish my prey.
Sixth Entry Edit
These naive children try to talk to me of morals, the monk tries to act like a life of stealing food can compare to true hardship. They talk of things like mercy, but they haven't been in a true fight, mercy is hesitation, and hesitation leads to death. When it is a fight to the death your opponent will not be dumb enough to show the same foolish gesture. People like these want to label themselves heroes, but there is no such thing, I have seen what 'heroes' do.
When the so called heros came the masters all fled, but they left us, they'd made us to viscous and they were afraid. But where the heroes then? We were left, locked in that pit to starve, but You gave me the means to free myself. My life finally had a purpose beyond just surviving. People may call me a villain but they are incapable of seeing this world in anything other than black and white.
Viktor may think me an uncontrollable beast, but he has not seen true savagery.
I have heard Your words, and I will do Your will. I am Your tool to shape the world as You see fit.
Seventh Entry Edit
We are searching for.... Someone... I may have been distracted while that was being explained... It has been a long time since I've laid with a man, longer still since he was one I desired, no matter how shallowly. Though they are far too concerned with courting.
But regardless, we found filth that would dare turn against his God. Funny how no one defends against killing an "evil" man, their morals are more flexible than they would like to believe. I've been told outside of Xaphan the dead come back as ghosts, though if this man's God was worth a damn his soul will pay for his betrayal. These ghosts are confusing, some stand around dazed and unmoving while others live and work in town.... In Xaphan if the dead came back they kept their bodies.
I've seen enough undead in my life, though it is very gratifying to get to end these ones, as base as they are. So many of this nation's foes are right beneath their noses, ha, soon they may be calling me a hero, taking care of all those nasty evil people. Who ever these people are they have… had powerful fighters among them. We ended up wasting may on our resources on those two, we will need to finish their leader quickly.
Do these peons really think they will be able to slow me down? I was hand chosen to serve the wrath of an angry god! Pathetic cowards that hide in the sewers are nothing more than stepping stones on my righteous path! This city will fall, this entire country will fall-But only to Your will, not to fools so unsure of their own power they raise the dead to fight for them. I will finish this quickly, I am tired of this pit full of rotting bones....
Plus Viktor has promised to pray to You. He thinks I can be "redeemed" but he fails to realize this is my path to redemption for a lifetime of inaction.
I may have to reevaluate Malla, while she is an admirable healer her insistence on sacrificing herself for others will soon make her more of a liability than an asset.
~About half way through the week spent in Manifest~
I am tired of this place. A week stuck with nothing to do but sleep, eat, and fuck. Is this what passes for people's sad little lives? I am tired of this, I need to fight something, someone. I want to see what it will take to make Viktor angry, I want to see what will happen. Would he be stupid enough to lash out at me? And Malla, wonder what I'd have to do to make her angry... is she even capable of anger?
I am so tired of this place, and this sad excuse for daily life.
The place of my rebirth.
Perhaps it will be for Viktor as well.
It is time he sees the world. It is time they all see the real legacy of heroes.
That place is a festering wound that can only be ignored for so long.
Eleventh Entry Edit
This power is addicting, tearing the world apart to get more? Heh, yeah, I can see that. This is different from being touched by a God, from receiving Their blessing. This is tearing a piece off of Them and keeping it for yourself. I am no longer that sad little thing I started as, I have been unbound and now I have been given power beyond mere men. More of this and will be above those who chained me. Though they are long dead now. I have been denied that pleasure. I will no longer be kept from my revenge. Your revenge. I just need more of this.
All of it.