"Haven't seen the sun in weeks,
My Skin is getting pale...
Haven't got a mind left to speak.
And im skinny as a rail...
Lamps are getting dim..
My interest is starting to wane.
I'm told its everything one would want
and I shouldn't complain
Conversation's getting dull
And theres a constant buzzing in my ears..."
It ends.
Xaphan is gone. Variel is gone. I am gone.
In the final fight my words could not reach him so I did what I ha--- I did my duty as a Lady of Bazareee.
"Haven't had a decent meal
My brain is fried.
Haven't slept a week for real
my tongue is tied!
Lamps are getting dim
my interest is starting to wane.
im told its everything one would want
and im brought to tears."
The council is gone.... with the exception of the child, dissapeared with Taban. Best case scenario he can keep her until control. Worst case scenario I kill them both one day. I no longer care. Xaphan is done. It is done. I have shed enough blood for you Chaniud you bastard. And against Phaant. Phaant. You truely beleive everyone is doomed don't you? So you do your best to reinforce you pesimistic view of reality and force it on us all like we are pawns. You Bitch get over it. I sung. I sung for... hours I think... it might of been days.... to summon her forth to answer for the shit she has put my life through and I received no response. She would not come.
To hell with the gods, to hell with xaphan to hell with everything.
It wouldn't take much to end this, a quick cut with 'Grace' and there would be to much blood for even me to survive.... I could.
Then I think of NIcca, and Honda's child... they are growing up in this world....
I used the necklace to defeat Xaphan's armies, I used the necklace to defeat Xaphan, I used the necklace to save Bazareene, and Manifest and the elves and terrepek... and countless other countries and nations and peoples. All safe because I used the necklace. It was supposed to take mylife. It did not.
I did not understand at first...
Now I do. It took the life of my child...I lost tiden's child.... the celestial blood in it fueled this god damned amulet. Chaniud is this not enough for you? Was my pain and my life not enough for you? I just...
Its my fault really.... but someone had to. If I stayed at home sitting on my hands waiting for someone else to solve this what would of happened? Those armies... led by Variel would of landed in Manifest... and by the time Bazareene or the elves would organize a resistance it would be to late. Someone had to stop them, someone had to do this. But god damnit I wish it was someone else.
I have failed at everything, I failed to save Variel, I failed to save my own child, I failed to save so many. There have been so many loses. And now the counsel want to see me. Im sure they will have something to say. I don't care. I am taking time off. I have plans then I am resting. I have given enough.
But someone had to lead... someone has to carry on.....
I will tell you this though. Divine magic be damned. I will see that man again. Everyone deserves a second chance.
Even as I write that it feels hollow. My own child never had a first chance. I have failed to even provide that.... and no one will ever know. no one will ever know what this cost me. I plan to publish my stories... but this... no one will ever know this. I can never tell Tiden....
When this all started I had one goal... clear my families debt's and clear our family name... make it something to be proud of. I have accomplished this... and yet I feel terrible.
This entry is... unclear.. jumbled. I need sleep. I need rest... the boots I will use the boots I think, my wings are too tired... but first I need to turn holy shard to Yeren's grave... I dont agree wth everything the man did but I think I understand why he did a lot of it. I also need to see the dragon. He needs to understand if he so much as sets one claw in bazareene....
I have done many things in my life... some morally questionable. I am sure you will judge me for them eventually Chaniud. But remember this, I will choose trial by combat. I hope you are good with that longsword. I have done many things, but all of them necessisary, required or the best descision I could make at the time.
The party has split and gone there seperate ways. I will return to Hazuk and there I will watch over it.
I think once I get rested I am going to travel... and work on my magic.
And drink.
Anything to forget.